This month I have been reading through the Book of Job in my quiet time. It's one of the books of the Bible I have never been excited about digging into, because it is depressing (and thus far its holding strong to my theory). But this book has also brought some serious insight into my thinking and I wanted to share one of those "ah ha" moments with you.
Job 13:9 "Would it turn out well if he (GOD) examined you? Could you deceive him as you might deceive men?"
This verse got me thinking (crazy, I know). I believe many times we show a different persona to our friends, family and even strangers than we show at home when we are alone. We want to give the impression that we are put together and have it all, when in reality we may be crumbling. I confess that at times, I do this. I don't always (or ever) want others to know that I have fears or faults for that matter, so I try to hide them. But God knows my heart and what is truly going on in my life. We can't hide from him! But why then are we so afraid of being real and vulnerable to everyone else?
Our adoption journey is becoming REAL right now and I have mixed emotions. And I think that is okay, but I don't dare share all those fears and thoughts with others as I may look weak. And I'm afraid of being weak in someone else's eyes, afraid of humiliation, afraid of not being perfect and afraid of being judged. But God does know my fears (and there are a lot) and I put my trust in him. I have faith that God will always love me in spite of my faults and fears.
"But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength" 2 Timothy 4:17
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